Random Food Comments

Drive-thru at it's worst
The other day I was trying to order and on the other side was a person who could barely speak english (which is normal for drive-thru) but on top of that, the place is right next to the air port so some jet was landing and I was trying to communicate over the jet sound to someone who couldn't understand me anyway :) That happens to me like every time I go there now.

I go through a lot of drinks and I find I need to keep switching what I drink to keep things new. Favorite drinks are Sunkist, Coke, Mountain Dew, Barqs Rootbeer (by coke), Grape Welches, and now, Strawberry Welches. I love Straw Welches.

In & Out
No not the movie. It's a premium burger chain in California. If you see one try it out, they have quality food. I'm not too hot on the fries, but they are made fresh just like everything else there. Anyway, when you order from the drive-thru, they say "Are you going to be eating in your car?" That question always gets me. You're in a freakin' car when you're ordering! I always freak out, and just say "I want it to go" But what they are trying to say is, "do you want it to go, or do you want it in a nice box to more easily get it because you might just be parking to eat it." The phrasing of their question is really bad, I think. No matter how many times I get the question, I can never remember is it "yes" or "no".

After only 10 times of going through the drive thru, I finally figured it out. The question they ask is "Do you want to eat in your car" The answer is no because if you say yes they don't bag your crap for you. I finally said no. :)

In other fast food news, I found the stupidest fast food worker EVER. This chick bagged my drink. Serious, she took my drink and put a bag around it and handed it to me. I was like WTF is that! I've never in my life seen anyone do that.

I got off early from work today (11 p.m.!) whoopie. Of course AL Nino is on our case today. Nothing but rain rain on my momma. I'm getting a bit more confidence after my rain almost crash, but still I think it's probably wise I don't drive faster than 65 or so in the rain... Anyways..

Tonight we went for dinner, (not really knowing if it was going to be yet another 3 am work day)

FrankBot5000 didn't want any place for vegitables so he shot down all our ideas for food places and insisted we go to some Chinese restraunt. About me, I'm like the most picky eater ever. I've had like american food, mexican, spaghetti (if you call that italian), (I had indian food once) and that's about it. So we went into this chineese reastraunt. I've like never had asian food before. I'm looking down the menu (imagining I'll see like fresh dog, like the stories)... I'm looking down the list and there was some nasty stuff, squid, intestines, intestines with rice, intestines with shrimp. YUCK. Everyone at the table (about 4 guys from work) were like experienced Chinese food eaters were trying to break me in. Let's teach some culture! So I was like, damn is there anything safe to eat. I thought maybe Orange chicken, I had that before. But that was like $8 and I didn't want to pay fucking $8 for chicken..

They told the story about how one time the waiter mistakenly brought some guts soup or something, and how they nearly spewed. And I'm wondering, why eat at a place with such dangerous stuff on the menu. So they talked me into beef with egg on rice. They SAID the egg would be dry. So it gets there and it was a flipping eco-plasm mess. Oh my gosh, I nearly started crying... hahaha. Get me outta here I was thinking. So they sugguested I try some of their duck. I always hear people talking about Duck and how good it is. I only started eating meat when I was 14, and I've had only beef, turkey and chicken since then. So I said ok. I tried the stuff imagining "it tastes just like chicken" only It didn't taste like chicken. It tasted like YUCK. Like rubber or something. Yuck. So I'm like shit, what do i eat. So I ate someone's rice. Then I mistakenly grabbed some rice that as on the same plater as the duck and It tasted like Duck again. ACK! I had to order a coke to keep me from spewing right there. I still 5 hours later got that damn taste in my mouth. That's it I'm going back to beef :) Beef, it's real food for real people! It's what's for dinner! Fuck Duck!

A. The Chinese Food

Okay I am not Chinese, I am Italian but I know a lot about chinese food. I will give you some pointers if you ever want to eat chinese food again.

1. Usally eating at a chinese restraunt your best bet are chicken, steak, and (if you like it, I don't) shrimp. I would be weary with other types of fish unless you are a major seafood fan because useally the fish tastes really liek fish. Duck was a bad idea. Make sure to avoid pork at all costs because sometimes I have found that it is not cooked well enough. Very dangorues...I can not even imagine what it would be like to get tape worm...ugg.

2. When ordering chicken MAKE SURE to tell the waiter all white meat sautaed (however that is spelled) not fried. If you forget to say this you are royally f*cked, espicially the all white meat. If you forget to say that you get a ball of crap all mushed together...not edible.

3. Take the advice of the menu...if the menu says that a dish is spicy...trust me it is spicy. However, if you want you can tell the waiter that you want not spicy. Careful you dont piss them off though :)

4. The best chinese food newbie dishes are chicken fried rice, and chicken lomeign. These are both really tastey and have nothing in them that will gross you out. Another favorite of mine is general tao's chicken (be careful useally very spicy).If you are worried about the clenilness of the place then always go with beef and broccli. It is pretty good and you can tell that beef is not cooked well enough. Add one of those things to a spring roll on the side with a bowl of wongtong soup and you are set...and the taste rocks.

5. As a final note avoid using soy sauce that stuff is fraggin terrible for you


Who bit the tip off my big stick?
You know what big sticks are right? They are those orange/yellow popsicles. IN the old days they used to be only a quarter. (85') But that's another story. Recently, I started eating them again. You can find them at the AMPM usually. But as with most things, they get crappier as time goes on, and you pay more for less of em. The big stick is like 40% less big than it was 10 years ago. And they charge us nearly double. You gotta buy 2 big sticks almost and pay $2 to get what you used to get for 25 cents! Give me back my big stick tip!

Treat those food workers Right
Something you have to understand is you're at the mercy of those food employees when you order. You do NOT want to mess with them. If you do, they will screw you over in ways you don't even want to imagine. I have talked to plenty of workers in those places and everything you imagined is true.

I talked to one dude at Weiner Shnitzel and they had a story about people talking a dump in the chilli.

Yet another friend told the story about how the McCrappies people would spit in people's food when people pissed them off. Yet another had a story about how they would run their hands all over gross stuff first...

I watched some Dateline thing, and nearly every major chain was suspect for unsanitary practices. So you're already running a risk, don't make it any worse.

Back to the point, if you're going to screw with food employees do so AFTER you already got all your food. Treat them like kings, yes ma'am, no sir. Hey if anything it makes their day better. If they screw something up (which they always do) don't get pissed, just ask for another one and say no problem. Have some patience. Working in those jobs has to suck don't make their lives any worse. And don't think that if you screw them over after you leave, they won't remember you :) I wouldn't go back again if you do that. One time me and Damian (DBPimpin') went to Wendy's and this chick was screwing with us, so he starts talking back to her. Luckily we already got our food. Then he hucks some honey at their window hahaha. I never went back there again..

Treat those waitress' right and Tip
When you go to some fancy place or anywhere where you got a waitress, treat them right. That has to be like the suckiest job. They aren't there cuz they want to be, but because they have to be. And if you can make their life easier, do it. Only if they start dicking you over, are you free to be less than cordial and screw them on the tip.

If they did a good job, were nice, give them a nice tip. Go over the limit. It's better to err on the overside than underside. They need that money and it's got to be worth something to you to be able to sit down and have some person meet your every need. You saw Resevoir Dogs :)

Same goes for Pizza people. Give them a $1 at least. If they screw you over, usually it's not their fault. They just pick up the pizza and usually it's some dillweed back at the restraunts fault. I hear stories of people giving pennies to those drivers, nah don't be like that. Think of their car (usually a geo) that they have to take care of with all that driving. Only if you KNOW that they screwed you are you free to do it back :)

waiters/bartenders make only $2.13 an hour and from that they gotta pay taxes for money the government expects them to make on their sales, the government assumes u make at least 8% on all sales not including what they do know by way of tips on credit card slips. so they tax them on all tips on credit card slips and 8% of all other sales. on top of that most places make the servers tip out the bussers and bartenders and hostesses 1% each. so if u sale $100 u tip out $3 automatically and then get taxed on 8% (since they take about 1/4 of every dollar that $2 more), in all for every $100 u sell u give $5 away..so if someone stiffs u u just spent about an hour waiting on them not only for a lousy $2.13/hr but also had to pay $5 if they bought $100 worth. btw it's a horible job too. thanx for ur time OutSider
Burger King Fries
I gave into the advertising bombardment, and decided to try some Burger King fries. I don't know what I was thinking but I figured I would get some magical thing. The fries were OK they were for SURE way the hell better than McCrappies, but they weren't any better than say Carls Criss Cut fries, or In&Outs, or even my school Cafes.. They are right about them being better, but better than nothing is still nothing.

Cranberries, our Friends!
I worked in the grocery stores for many years. In that time, and living in a town with flipping 80% geezers (Hemet, CA) I came to notice the geezers be digging the cranberrys. I said what the hell? Is it like that fiber thing? Regularity. My Senior year, Warp and I and some other classmates (Chris was too cheap) took a trip to the east Coast. While in Mass. near plymoth rock, we took a trip to CranBerry World! No joke man. The name was funny enough. The Whole trip, it wasn't Washington or the other big spots on our trip list that we wanted. It was CranBerry World! We got there, and the place was sponsored by Ocean Spray of course. (They own exclusive rights to the cranberry) It like one of those ocean institutes you tour. A whole bloody place devoted to the cran berry. Some old lady was leading us around while me and my punk friends took lots of sarcastic pictures, the only way I can think of to describe it. That place was great. Someday I'll scan in some of the pictures. The trip ended with a taste test. My friends even bought some tee shirts. Yeah! It was then I began my fascination with the cranberry. The old people were right!

As far as Oceanspray goes, try cran-grape. That's my favorite for sure.

Cerial. Ever heard of Blueberry Morning cereal? That stuff was great. I left for college with like 25 boxes. I didn't finish them till my Junior year :) Post came out with a new cereal. It's like $3, but hey it's worth it. Cranberry Almond Crunch is it's name. Give it a try. I believe the theme of it is "morning traditions"

You heard about it on here already. Craisins the sweetened dried cranberry snack. It's new and it's suprsingly sweet. I'm full on hooked, I do 1 bag a day. When my mom gets home, she hears: "Where are the craisins!" hahaha.

Try Cranbery/Raspberry Jam by Knotts. It might only come in light but it's good!!!

Area-S reported I was working for Craisins. No that's not true but if they offered me a shot to do their page, and let me do it out of cranberry world, I'd be there man. I'd drive if I had to! I'd devote my life to the cranberry!

The official snack of the EBG page is Cranberries by Ocean spray! (Pizza the official food)

CranBerry World West http://www.absurdgallery.com/cranhell.htm

BBQ Sauce.
The big bad taste of bulls eye can't be beat. :)

Chilled Mugs.
Here is something I ripped offa Chris. It's kinda strange. What they do is get a bunch of glass mugs, the kinda people drink beer outta. Then they devote a section of their freezer to empty mug space. Then when you want a drink, you grab a mug outta the freezer and fill it up. Instantly the drink is cold. You don't have to even mess with the ice crap. It's kinda odd but it works.

Steak N Shake
If you see Steak N Shake around, try them out. For only about $5 you can get GOOD burgers, good fries and a drink to go. It only takes a few minutes more than McCrappies and you come away with some GOOD food. Real Meat, Real Lettus, real everything. It's worth the extra $2 and a few minutes more wait. Screw the normal burger joins, and taco bell, go here instead :)

Also if you ever get a chance, try out Fresh Choice. It's like a cafateria of sorts. You go in pay like $5 and get all you can eat anything, pizza, bread, whatever they got. The food is GOOD stuff too. I have only seen these in California.

Taco bell Tomatos
I just discovered something I never knew. Taco bell tacos taste 1000 times better with tomatos. Where have I been all this time? For only 25 cents more per taco, and sometimes nothing extra, I could be having GOOD tacos. Idiot!! haha.

16 Ounce Drinks!
Where did the 16 oz drinks go? I mean I remember as a Kid I would head to 7-11 and get me the 16 oz drink when I wasn't going for the big Gulps. I didn't drink soda much for a few years in college and drank a bunch of cans, then all of sudden I notice all the 16 ozs are gone. Where did they go? Me and Warp were having this converation a few months back. It seems someone started making 20 ozers and someone said well why get the 16 when I can get 20. So they stopped making 16 oz. The problem is 20 is too damn much for me and Warp. I mean I end up with that 4 extra oz left over at the end, if I had 16 it woulda been perfect. The 12 oz can is too little, and now the 20 oz bottle is too much. I wanna find out whose bright Idea it was to release the 20 oz. Next thing you know they will phase out the 20 oz and replace it with the new 1 liter bottles. Man punks. If only I could buy a 4 oz cup to go with my can then I'd have 16 agian :)

Ice in Cups.
I hope you have realized that the more Ice you put in a cup the less drink you actually get. You can have some little 12 oz can and it won't fit in some huge glass full of ice. Well thats all fine when you're at home, but when you're out to eat, restraunts use this trick to cheat you out of your drink. The more ice they can put in your drink the less drink you get. You ever hear someone order a drink with "just a little ice" ? That is why. The drink is already cold, you don't need ice to make it cooler although it does taste a bit better. if you want the most for your money order the drink with no ice.

Just a little trick that bartenders like to do to ya... I bartended for about a year while I was in school. I always thought is was really funny how stupid people ask for no ice in their mixed drinks. Well it goes like this...

Bartenders use a five count pour or a jigger to measure the amount of alcohol in your drink. The amount of alcohol is always about the same. If you ask for no ice...you get more filler (soda, juice, etc...). So, if you get a full cup of ice...you get the same amount of alcohol and less filler...the drink tastes stronger.

Taco Bell Cracks down PART 2.
I thought perhaps the crack down policy was only at one or two Taco Bells, but it Looks like it's all over. Every where I go I have to beg for taco sauce and wipe my mouth on recycled napkins :)

Taco Bell Cracks down.
About a few weeks ago, I went into Taco bell with Warp and Gotcha. We went to get our sauce and it was GONE. WTF? We went up to the counter and they had removed the Taco Sauce holders from the inside of the restraunt. You had to ask them for taco sauce. As I went to Taco bell a few other times, I realized what was going on... Taco Bell was Cracking down:

They removed all taco sauce from the inner restraunts. Why? Because people like me love to take 40 packets home and use it in recipes. We take more then we need and throw it away like we just don't care. They realized how much money they could save by making you beg them to give you the 2-3 taco sauce packets. No more can I walk in and sang 50 packets into a bag to make the cafe Burritos and HayStacks taste a bit better.

You think that is it? They removed the smallest drink size within the restraunt. Why? More crackdown. People would buy the smallest drink size then get free refills. No one would go medium or large size unless they were idiots. I know I bought the large sizes hahaha. Their reasoning? No more free rides. They make you get 99 cent regular size. They do offer small but only in drive thru. We figured how about get it outside, bring the cup in and refill it but they got a big sign that says free refills only on regular and large.

Thats not all, they are using recycled napkins. Maybe it's only at this taco bell but the things looked like freakin' newspaper. If that's recycled, they sure did a crappy job.

Take a look at their Spanish rice holder. If you look at the bottom of the cup, it's indented. The bottom of the cup is pushed up a ways to make it appear that the cup is larger on the outside then it really is. They know you will never notice because the thing is full when you get it. More of the evil Man's ways to trick you.

Taco bell is not taking anymore crap. They are cutting corners at every spot. They are giving us fake cheese, who knows what kinda grade meat (Dog, Horse?). All of this makes me say: "Mister Taco Bell, no more of your shady dealings. I'm going to Little Caesars!"

I was browsing some of your old stuff on the food page. I saw that Taco Bell thing on how they're cracking down. I worked there about a year ago, and you hit the mark exactly. They had a little chart up showing us how to bs the customers. In big bold letters, "DO NOT PUT SAUCE OUT IN PLAIN VIEW." We weren't allowed to fill the rice cups to the top, no more than a half inch of meat in the tacos. Stuff like that. And as for the meat, the stuff is powder. You mix it with water and this seasoning thing, and voila, crappy meat. They tried to rip me out of 50 dollars on my last paycheck, so I said screw it, and carried home like a box of meat powder and shells, had tacos the rest of the summer. Fun stuff...

Surge (That new drink by coke).
I saw the commercials. I saw all the hub bub on the news about Surge so at the store I decided to risk and get a case of Surge. (luckily I was smart enough to get a backup case of Mount N Dew) Anyway, I was thinking it would be something like Mountain Dew or Mello Yellow, and I kinda like those. So I get it home, got it chilled and tried it. DOH! That stuff tastes, to me, just like Slice. But unlike Slice, it has a shipload of caffine in it (not sure if I spelled that right) Warp and Gotcha are thinking it might even have more caffine than Mountain Dew, and possibly as much as Jolt. But what's the point? Why get a drink that tastes just like Slice or one of those type of drinks, and on top of that get all that caffine. Caffine isn't like the best thing for you and if it's not necessary, you shouldn't really get it. I mean, I can understand having caffine in coke and mountain dew. I have tried the caffine free versions, (that's all my school will sell at the cafeteria where I'm forced to eat every day) and they really really suck. So I get the caffine versions. But with Surge there is no point. I can get almost the same taste in Slice with no caffine. So all this babble is trying to say: Surge it sucks who needs it!


I like your webpage. I visit it whenever I'm bored. I haven't read everything on it yet but I find something funny each time. I just have a comment on your Chinese food section. Chinese food isn't bad. It's just that no one in the United States and (even in Hong Kong and China sometimes) cook it right. I've never been to a Chinese food restaurant in the States before and liked what they cooked. You know why? Cause they don't expect Americans to know what Chinese food should taste like. I think Chinese people in the States only eat at those restaurants because it's 'Chinese'. And what pisses me off is when people say I love Chinese food. WTF are the talking about? All they ever order is that take-out crap in those stupid white boxes with the bloody temple picture on it and those metal handles on them are probably made out of used car parts. Oh and loaded with MSG too. That's worse than soy sauce (but soy sauce stains your teeth, eventually). Jag (the guy who wrote the comment) probably eats at all those Chinese restaurant dumps I'm thinking of. The fish is actually quite good when cooked right. I think a lot of Chinese chefs don't know what the hell they're doing half the time so you end up with crappy meals. That or they don't really care. I could go on forever but the thing that really bugs me is when people say Chinese food sucks. Well they can suck mine cause I have to eat it every bloody day as do a couple other billion people. Why the hell do people ask me if I like Chinese food anyway? I don't ask Mexicans if they like Mexican food or ask French people if they like French food. Geez. The silly thing is that Vancouver, B.C. is one of the better places in the world to have Chinese food and I think Seattle, Washington as well. Maybe even the ones in New York. Don't go to China to have Chinese food though. Unless you have your Hep B shots. Heh. Oh and true story (you can post this for sure... I'm kinda ticked off at the semi-discrimatory manner this restaurant handled this.) There's a Japanese restaurant here in Richmond, B.C (Canada. It's right across the river from Vancouver. The Vancouver airport is actually part of Richmond but like anyone gives half a f--- anyway right?) that's run by Chinese people. On the white board it has in Chinese 'Fresh Rabbit Placenta'. It doesn't list this in English at all. While rabbit placenta doesn't exactly make my mouth water my question is why the hell isn't this put in English? This is Canada ain't it? Geez... (oh btw there was this cooking show in Britain that showed how to cook human placenta and eat it... the family that had the baby ate the new mother's placenta with the host. I think they show got a lot of flak for that but I think it was pretty damn funny).



I was just reading over you food page and noticed you mentioned several fast food places. Unfortunately, I'm working at Burger King this year.

Things you might want to know:

1) Whopper Jr. is the same size as a hamburger/cheese burger. If you order your jr. no lettuce, no onion, etc....just order a hamburger. For clarification, a jr. has pickles ketchup onions mayo lettuce and tomato.

2) Don't order anything more than an hour's time away from the rush hours (11-2, 5-7). The food is not nearly as fresh as it could be.

3) Do be nice to the workers. Especially on drive-thru, that's the only place the food-making people can hear you.

4) If you get your food special (no lettuce, heavy pickle, etc...) during a rush, look at the wrapper. There should be dashes or x's over the stuff you didn't want. If the wrapper is plain, you probably got the wrong sandwich. Feel free to bitch loudly at anyone other than a manager when this happens.

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