PIZZA PIZZA!

Life is all about Pizza. Your life can be defined as the time when you're not eating Pizza. While most guys have girls on their mind I have girls AND pizza on my mind. Pizza Pizza Pizza Girls Girls Pizza Pizza! My friends found that Pizza is always on my mind. They don't even have to ask what I want. I got them trained!

I'll drive miles to get it!
Sometimes I drive 90 miles down to my old city in San Diego just to eat Pizza. There is this great place and you can't get Pizza like it anywhere else. The place has been there over 20 years and it's funny that 10+ years of not living there I can still go back anytime and eat there.

I can't get enough of it!
At one point my dream was to be able to eat Pizza 3 times a day every day. I was able to finally try that out in 1995 when I went to Warp!'s place in North Dakota and worked at his Fruit Stand for 2 weeks. I ate Pizza every day for multiple days! It was great! No I didn't get sick of it. I'd eat it every day if I could. It's too expensive =) Some of my friends break down and say oh I'm sick of Pizza I don't want anymore but not me. Skullder can actually hang with me and gets it even more than I want =)

How much?
I used to be able to eat a whole Large Pizza but now I eat it all but 2 slices =)

Speed Dial Baby!
I got them on Speed Dial for emergencies baby. Usually all it takes is someone bragging that they have Pizza now and I have to have it.

Pizza Price
Prices in things can be measured by how many Pizzas they are worth. Such as a cellphone payment is about 2 Pizzas a month! You should always consider how many pizzas you are giving up when buying something.

Pizza Skills
Some people think any crap pizza is good. While some masters as myself know good Pizza from bad Pizza.

Pizza Dreams
I want it to be cheaper and I want to be able to make it at home. I heard of one rich guy who put a Pizza place in his home and franchised it just so he could do it himself with ingredients from the chain.

I want the thing from Back to the Future 2 where you put the packet in the machine and out pops the Pizza like 10 seconds later.

At one point my dream was to marry a girl that worked at a Pizza place so I could get free Pizza but I guess it would be smarter to just marry a rich girl who can buy you Pizza =) You wouldn't want a girl from a pizza place anyway =)

Top Pizza Places

#1 Non Chains
You need to find some place that is a family run business that makes all their stuff fresh and themselves. You will pay way more for these Pizzas usually but they are worth it. You may have to try a lot of crappy places before you find a good one. I only know of 2 total places in California that are good.

#2 Dominos
I've bought 1000s of Pizzas from Dominos. They deliver. To me they are the best places of any of the chains. Their Cinnastix are good too. Get Original Crust. Always check the box before the Pizza guy gets away. They often screw up my order but they always send me a new one so it's all good. At one point I had a private line for ordering Dominos for about 5 years. One time the girl on the phone actually asked me how I had that number. She said it was their special phone line or something. haha. Back in the late 1980s they had a promotion where they gave cups with "Avoid the Noid" I still have those and use them all the time. They're my favorite cups.

#3 Little Ceasars
This is what I call poor people Pizza. It's for people who can't afford Dominos which was me all through High School and College. It's cheap and isn't as good as Dominos. I've ate tons of their Pizza. What you do is order 2 slices. They are 1/2 a Medium Pizza. If you order it right before closing they often just give you a whole medium pizza for like $3 because to make 2 slices they have to just throw away the other half of the pizza so they just give it to you instead. You have to find the right place to do this for you, jerky ones won't do it. I used to go there so much I knew the Managers by name and I just said "the usual" and they got me my order. I get Slice Slice (not the faggoty square ones) with Pineapple on it. I know just as much as the employees at that place. At one point I knew all the times for the Pizzas and the procedures they had to make them. Crazy Bread and Sauce is also ok but it sure stinks.

Good Chains and Bad Chains
The Chain Pizza places are unrealiable. They are all supposed to make the same Pizza but they don't. You may get one that makes crappy pizza but if that is the only one around there's nothing you can do.

Whatever you do, don't get the Chicken by the Pizza Chains. It's 100 years old. I've had several people from chains tell me all about that crap and how old it is and how long it sits there.

Pizza Places Comments
Papa Johns
They have great crust and cheese but I HATE their sauce. It sucks. It leaves a horrible aftertaste.

Pizza Hut
Pizza Hut sucks. I've ate a lot of their Pizzas because for a while it was the only Pizza in town. It's oily, they screw up your order 80% of the time and it's just not worth it. Dominos owns them.

Round Table
Man that crap is the worst. I don't see how anyone likes it but sadly they do. My work gets that all the time and I hate it! The cheese sucks, the sauce sucks, the crust sucks. If you like Round Table you're a fool.

Godfather Pizza
Sucks!

Straw Hat
Sucks!

Mall Pizza
Mall Pizza usually sucks but what can you do. Frozen or Bake Yourself Pizza
Sucks!

Yuppie Pizza
Yuppie Pizza is what I call this certain style of Pizza that they call Pizza but really isn't. It's crappy thin crust with horrible cheese and sauce and you usually find it at Italian Resteraunts, Bars, Malls, or other places that don't sell Pizza as their primary food. Yuppie Pizza sucks! Crap on a slice of bread.

What to Order
My Pizzas are always Cheese and one Topping: Pineapple. The first time you hear that it's like WTF that's nasty but once you try it you will be hooked. I got all my friends eating that exclusively. I hate vegitables and don't eat meat so I don't get that crap.
Deals
You need to find Coupons. If you don't have a Coupon you get the shaft from them on prices. Luckily living in apartments I always get plenty of coupons whether I want them or not.
Tipping
Make sure you Tip the Pizza guy. tipthepizzaguy.com is the authority on this subject. Read up. I always give $2.
Homemade Pizza
I think it sucks. Some people like that crap or Frozen pizzas but not me. About the best I have come up with (and eat often) is go to the store and get Bobili Italian Breadshells. Put Prego Tomato Sauce (original) and get some Motz cheese and put it in a toaster oven. It's great!

Temperature
There is the optimum tempature to eat Pizza. I'm not sure what it is but you have to get it so it's not too hot or too cold. When I used to pick them up rather than have them deliver I would have the driving distance mapped out so I knew the exact stop light to begin eating my Pizza to get it just right.

But Pizza is Bad for you!
Make sure you kick people in the nuts for saying this, even if they don't have nuts.

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