MY GROCERY STORIES

One time I got this wood chunk of pallet stuck in my eye. The boss was like keep working. It started to really hurt and they were like keep working. So then It started to get so bad I couldn't see. So I go I'm going home. I went home and went to sleep. The next day I went to the doctor and he pulled out a big chunk of wood out of my eye. It was great.

The Bosses wife walked in on the Boss and the "head" cashier boinking in the office. Man it was fun working there after that, they would fight out in the isles and everything for like a year. After that they had a policy of only hiring ugly chicks and boy did they do a good job at that. You shoulda seen the freaks they would hire.

I used to eat and drink stuff in the store. They were screwing me so bad on my wages ($5 for like 5 years) I had to make it back somehow. I often bought stuff but sometimes when I was pissed off at someone I wouldn't :)

At least 2 times at the register the nightmare senario happened. Some bitch brought up a box of tampons with no price. Then I was forced to call for a price check. At least it was girls not guys but still pretty damn embarrassing.

We used to get crap in all the time with maggots on it. I got to learn what a pallet full of maggot stuff smelled like. One time we got a pallet of Cat food in. The maggots were everywhere. We pulled the bad ones but there was no way to get them all. Every so often for like a whole summer people would walk up to me with a can of cat food with maggots on it and say look at this. And I'd fake this horror look on my face and take it away and say we would get rid of them all but they stayed out there. I pulled the bad ones I found but it's a huge ass pile of cans. Pretty funny.

One time (well probably a bunch of times that I didn't know about) we got a huge frozen load in. But it was all thawed out. So the corp headquarters was like throw it away immediately we will credit you. But the boss said to us, no don't throw it away and he refroze the stuff and sold it. He got the credit money and the money from selling it. Yuck :)

My manager told me this story. He said he was working in an isle one day when this old guy pulls downs his pants, whips it out and starts pissing on the rice display. He was like WTF. He let the guy continue what he was doing. The old guy zipped up and walked off. The Manger was like there is no way in hell I'm cleaning that up. So he stacked some more rice on it hahaha.

Another story was how an old guy started walking along as diahrea started pouring out of his pant leg. He just kept on walking dragging it around the whole store. I'm glad I wasn't there that day.

One time I hucked a roll over paper towels over the top of this display and expecting to hit another employee, I nailed some old lady. I had to come around and appologize.

It was always pretty easy to spot the gay guys in the store. They always bought stupid stuff like hairspray :) One time these 2 gay guys came in and said "Do you have any Jello?" I was like No we don't and ran for it. We actually didn't carry Jello.

Ever see that bathroom in Desperado? One day the manger goes, you got to see this. He led me into the Bathroom and oh my goodness there was crap all over the place and 1/2 way up the wall to the ceiling. I was like there's no way in hell I'm cleaning that crap up, I'd quit first. The manager tried to trick some other employees into doing it but no one would do it. So what he did was put a sign that said out of order on the door. Then the next day the cleaning crew came in and had to clean it (we all faked like we didn't know anything about it).

I think there were at least 3 seperate incidents where old ladies fell down and had to be taken away in an ambulence. It wasn't even because they slipped on something, they just didn't know how to walk.

One day I was sitting under some counter stacking stupid stuff when I hear some old couple talking about something up front. I didn't hear what they said. I went into the break room and one of the cashiers was sitting there crying. I was like WTF is going on here. I guess what had happened was we got robbed. I found out the full story later. A 300 + pound guy came in and when the register was opened, shoved the cashier girl down and grabbed the money. He ran outside and got on a bicycle and started to bike alway. He was so heavy that the bicycle chain broke. The manager (the Mexican guy from Compton) started chasing his ass. The fat guy got off the bike and threw it at my boss. My boss grabbed him from behind and tried to wrestle him but he threw him off. The manager did get his shirt. So this big fat guy started running away. The manger tried again but the fat guy grabs a bottle and breaks it. The Manger was like ok screw this. He went back to the store. The cops later caught the guy.

Probably the most fun I had was telling people the store was closed. They would be like "oh come on, just let me in I only need 3 things and sometimes I would let them in but most of the time I'd make up some crap about the registers are shut off or something.

There used to be these homeless people behind our store. I was always scared to throw out the trash because of it. One time a bunch of guys got together and mixed up this drink for a homeless guy filled with laxitives (I think I spelled that right). They gave it to the guy. That was pretty jacked up. Haha.

They used to have Christmas Captain Crunch. It was there a few months before Christmas. They had lots of pallets of it. It was there until Christmas then from that Christmas all the way to the next Christmas. It would be the middle of Summer and it would still be there. Finally it all sold out between a year and two after getting there. There were little boxes of gum on top with a coupon and it said suprise on it. The old people were so curios they would open about 1-5 of those a day. I would sometimes hang around the place to catch them and it was so amazing their curiosity. They would sit there and ask me what is inside the box. I would say "I don't know" they would say "you don't know?" I would say yes. So then they would sit there in torture wondering what was in side. I heard some old lady say open it to her Husband who said no "he" (meaning me) is watching. If Curiosity killed the cat all the old people woulda been dead. It was gum and a coupon inside the box. About a year of having the stuff they made me get rid of it.

One time a lady bought a 40oz of beer and was walking out of the store when it exploded (it was sitting in the sun). That was freaky. Beer all over her and her little kid. That's what you get for drinking bitch! :)

I heard a rumor that the deli guy knocked up one of the cashiers. I think it was true too. The guy was married too. Every time the cashier would bring in the kid everyone would go hey there's little (deli guys' name). One time when she showed up the manager went on the mic over the store "(deli guy), (cashier's name) is here to see you. To which everyone who worked there busted up laughing because they knew what that meant. I heard a few employees caught them doing it in the back room a few times.

I got a chance to work in the deli for a while when the deli guy was on vacation. I was horrified to discover the dates on that stuff was WAY off. There was a sheet from corporate saying when stuff must be thrown away and it was way earlier than the current date. What they would do is have me mark it down really cheap to get rid of it and suckers would buy it. Amazing!

They used to have must be refridgerated stuff and it would be stacked outside the deli refidgerators on the floor! Seeing it the first time I went WTF! Isn't that bad or something? I figured people (customers) would complain but they didn't. They bought it anyway. Someone came up with a lame excuse to tell them such as because they were resting against the fridge it was keeping them cold enough. Which was a load of crap they were at room temperature. One day the manager and boss got in a fit and had me get them all back up in the fridge and I learned the health inspector came. Later on we put them back out again. I heard the health inspector went home with a big cart of free groceries.

One summer the air conditioning went out and I had to work a whole month with no air conditioning in the middle of summer when temps reach 120 in the town. I tried to get freezer work any chance I got. I know it was probably because the owner was too cheap to get someone real to fix it.